I thought it would be a normal visit. But, as you will find out later, my hospital visit has turned out to be something totally unexpected of me.

This looks like bad news from the onset. Nonetheless, the experience has given me the opportunity to think more deeply about what matters most to me. It has changed my perspective about life, family and the people around me.

Every once in a while it’s not so bad to run up against one of those speed bumps in the middle of life to jog your consciousness about what really matters. I guess this speed bump was something I had to run into and I must just say I’m glad it happened.

 The Background:

 Two weeks ago I noticed a numb thumb. Not paying much attention to this, I continued with my normal life. In a few days, the numbness grew to my forearm (or maybe it happened at the same time and I had not noticed). Anyway, I chose to ignore this too (assuming it could be stressed after all the washing and cleaning up I have had to do with the recent house moving).

I had let this pass until one morning when I woke up with a numbness on the right-side of my tongue. I could feel nothing on that side. I “googled” and tried to make sense of it and ended up learning that I was not alone- there were quite a few people and each had suffered the same symptoms but diagnosed with different illnesses. Stroke, Diabetes, depression are the common conclusions one comes to. 

I continued to just wait for time to pass this by and assumed it will all get back to normal soon. (I have the tendency to avoid any sort of drugs and wait for nature to heal things with time). But, I ended up biting my tongue everytime I try to eat something. This was annoying. 

It has been 2 weeks hence and I now have half my face numb and blured vision on my right eye. This was scary. It called for an emergency check and so I ended up at a GP’s and then the hospital.

A visit to a hospital in a “developed” nation is another eye-opener and I won’t get into those details just yet but I can tell you that one should be prepared for really long waits here. (All this after choosing to go to a private hospital)

Just like an internet connection in this developed nation can take upto 2 weeks, an appointment for an MRI can too! (For those who don’t know, both of these would take a few hours in my “third world country”). We were offered an appointment in February 2011 and after much negotiation, it will be Tuesday of next week. Wait, this appointment is NOT for an MRI as such, it’s just to see a doctor who will then decide if I need an MRI, in the first place.

After all the tests they could possibly do, they decided that there was “good news”. I am normal in all possible ways. Normal blood pressure, Sugar level, ECG, CT Scan and reflexes (I am not surprised). What looks like good news to them is not for me- simply because I am going to have to suffer this numbness longer and noone has been able to get the reason for the same.

Now I know why most people at the hospitals end up being bitter. I feel for them. Rather, I feel like them. Bitter and sweet feelings cloud over you when you are at the emergency ward of a hospital.

Life lessons learnt while lying there for hours:

Nothing matters more than your family

No one can mean to you more than your family and the people you love. Imagining death without looking at their faces is the worst that can ever happen (and yet it happens to many)

Appreciate the smallest pleasures in life

Slow down and enjoy to the last drop. You don’t need to buy expensive things or go on a luxury vacation to enjoy life. You can drive immense pleasure from what you are doing now if you have the right perspective and remain healthy.

True friends are rare to find

Genuine people, true friends and real concern are rare things to find and you must take time to stop and thank these people for being in your life.

Smile your worries away

Even in the worst situation if you can smile at life and realise that no matter how wealthy, beautiful or connected you are, life conquers all. You are just another ordinary human being with a gift called the mind to decide what you want to make out this life. Like they say, “We are all in this TOGETHER, just by ourselves”

Appreciate nature more often

Look at the trees, the birds, the sun and the moon- they have a story to tell, you just need to take time to listen 🙂

Edit: For those who are concerned, I can go home now and rest (and wait) till the MRI test happens. I cant eat, speak or see like a normal person can. The MRI test may or may not prove why the numbness and I might end up being the same for days, weeks, month or a lifetime. 

What’s worse is that I already know (instinctively) that the MRI report will be normal too. I have no problem in the brain or nerves or blood- I am stressed and now anxious. The thought of dying without looking at the ones I love…the thought of them leaving without spending the last years of their life with me is more scary than death itself. I just need to be around them, need to be in my country, my home and that’s where I belong and that’s where I am NORMAL.