So, I’m turning 40 🎂
It’s been decades since I celebrated my birthday.. the picture you see below was taken around my 16th birthday, which was a milestone or a turning point in my life- Until that birthday I used to live with my father, away from my brother, my mother and her partner who I call ‘Pop.’
On my 16th birthday, my father decided to come to my bedroom to tell me that everybody else including the dogs on the streets were doing “It” and I should be too!

On the other hand, my mum and her partner were pressurising me to move in with them because I was at an age that needed “extra care” which my alcoholic dad was assumably incapable of.
After much drama and reluctance, I moved in with them. I have not celebrated a single birthday after that. I would disappear days before and after the birthday, no phones and all, so that I don’t have to deal with everyone calling to wish me on this day that I had come to hate.
Pop was mighty protective of me- I became a duty that he had to fulfil. He obviously did not have any experience dealing with a teenage girl so he did his best, I guess.
I wasn’t allowed to wear any make up, no high heels or “Showy” clothes. I was picked up and dropped to anywhere I needed to be. He demanded that I should get married at the age of 16 to this rich fat bloke who owned assets for a few generations to come. Ofcourse, he hated the fact that I didn’t subscribe to his school of thought and that was just one of the many differences we had. . I wanted to go to college. He thought educating a girl was a waste of time and money but reluctantly enrolled me into SINDHI college (a college run by the Sindhis, not necessarily for the Sindhis but one where majority of the students were from this esteemed caste being Sindhis). Pop was of the opinion that if I do fall in love with a boy in that college, he will be a ‘Sindhi’ after all. I spent the worst 2 years of my life in that place.
By now he had succeeded in making a rebel out of me. It’s no secret to anyone who knows us that we never really shared a cordial relationship, to say the least. I escaped college to spend all my time being the “Cool kid”. Drank alcohol, smoked and sneaked out of home through the balcony, at any given chance. I was lucky to start earning money quite early (by Indian standards) so the independence it gave me was unmatched. After breaking many hearts and having my own broken more than just once, it was time to move on. I landed myself a dream job and I escaped home to accept this new role as soon as I gathered the courage to do so.
I moved to live in this infamous place most people call “The most unsafe city in India” .. but it’s in this place that I felt the most safe 🙂
Its in Delhi that I discovered myself. I owe everything I am today to ‘Dilli meri jaan!’ I realised here that I was a homebody. Although I was surrounded by the big names in the fashion industry and got invited to the best parties in town, I was someone who preferred chilling in pyjamas over hopping parties; country music over pop and loved to flaunt Sarees over skirts. Many remember me as this ‘Madrasi’ walking around in cotton sarees at the India Fashion week 😉
I had a life that I loved, the respect I deserved and the independence to choose my own path. A couple of years in this place did more good for me than my entire life ever had.
The universe now had a well planned miracle in mind- Mohak got in touch with me (thanks, Mark Zuckerberg). We had studied together at Sindhi college and never really kept in touch after that. He had waited almost a decade for the right time and space and so without wasting any time, within days he asked if I would marry him! The first gift he gave me was a bottle of wine. He said “I don’t drink but that means I can drive you around.”
In a country full of misogynist, insecure, selfish pigs it was a breath of fresh air to get to know Mohak.. To me , it was worth kissing all those frogs to find my Prince Charming, after all.
The ride ahead was not easy for him because important family members were against this marriage .. Apparently, being 28 and unmarried was a red flag and that I was a size 16 and not a size 8 made me undesirable 🙄 – The hypocrisy of our society at its best!
Nonetheless, Mohak persevered against all odds and within a month we were married. We decided to make a life far away from all the drama, in a new country we now call home. We have met the nicest people who we call our chosen family. We have an envious life where we are satisfied in every aspect, there is love and respect in our gorgeous family (my two bundles of joy Xena and Aum Zeus make it what it is)
Fairy tales are real, because I am a living proof of them. In the end, going to Sindhi college was the best decision of my life 😉
Looking back, every thing Pop ever did was to make sure he fulfilled his duty and he did a great job at that. He wasn’t my biological father but a lot more than that. As I am turning 40 soon, the pressure to make that day or the celebration a memorable one is palpable! Most of my friends are turning 40 or already did this year.. some have gone on luxury cruises or holidays , bought those dream cars for themselves or had parties to remember. I honestly don’t wish for much this birthday except to really want to appreciate the life that I have.
The purpose of my post is that I want to celebrate my birthday this year by thanking Pop for all that he has done for me. We may have never seen eye to eye but it’s important for me that he knows I value his place in my life. It has been a somber couple of years for us as he is in palliative care, counting each breath and living only with memories of the past.

Mom has been this woman who always carries a smile on her face, even in this phase when the love of her life is slowly slipping away. She still has to face unpleasant remarks by people who think they can do any better. It is unfortunate that she is alone today and all we can do for her is to send prayers and words of encouragement.
I ask that this year to celebrate my birthday with me, you make a contribution to this wonderful hospice that he is in, Karunashraya. They have given him the best care and done it all selflessly. Words cannot express our gratitude to them.
If you were thinking of sending me flowers, or that wine or even just a cuppa together, please think about sending that $ to Karunashraya instead. Lets hope Pop can pass over peacefully, whenever the time is right- knowing that he is loved and respected forever.
And finally, a big thank you to all those friends and relatives who have called him, met him and sent him wishes. He appreciates every one of you. To those who haven’t bothered, may peace be with you too.
OM SHANTI